I'm obsessed with Myself (Part 2) !

Sorrrrrrry for the inconsistency guys. I’m still attempting to adjust to this 9-5 lifestyle…(keep your eyes peeled for the next post).

Following up from my last post, I passionately discussed about the importance of being ‘obsessed’ with yourself. In this post I decided to provide practical ways to put this into practice so that eventually it becomes a lifestyle.

We are often told to love ourselves, appreciate ourselves, value ourselves - but how do we do this? From experience, I have found that One of the most important aspects in this process is to remove negative energy from your life and surround yourself with positivity 24/7!

So what does loving yourself really mean?

1. Love God 1 John 4:8. God is love. God created love because He created everything. Therefore, in order to practise the act of loving ourselves we must be in love with our Saviour first and He will make this journey easier. 
2. Knowing your worth - Proverbs 3:15, Proverbs 31:10 - these scriptures describe the qualities of a virtuous woman. As a woman, God says you are valuable; you are special and you are priceless. Your worth is far above rubies. If you google the worth of rubies, you will find that rubies are one of the most expensive gemstones. This is what you are compared to, so start carrying yourself this way!
3. Respecting yourself - one of the definitions of respect is holding someone's opinions/ feelings in high regard. If you can respect someone in authority, for example, a lecturer, then how much more yourself? Carry yourself as someone who deserves to be respected and respect will find you. You won’t need to demand it.
4. Putting yourself first - your happiness is a priority, don’t allow your happiness to suffer at the expense of someone else who is probably not even worth it. I’m not saying you should be selfish, but just know when to focus on yourself and your well being. You’ve got your back at the end of the day!
5. Accepting your weakness & flaws - in my first ever post, I discussed how we need to embrace our flaws as females and not allow them to overpower us. This is so important when learning to love yourself. Loving yourself is loving everything about you including the features/characteristics you may not like. These are what makes you, you. Embrace it.
6. Forgiving yourself - I find it so hard to forgive myself if I'm honest. The things I've done in my past linger in my mind and I find myself bringing myself down from time to time. This doesn't allow me to be truly free. However, it is important to always remember that once you have made a mistake, it is done, it is in the past, no matter how bad you may think it is, it is in the past. God has forgiven you, so forgive yourself!
7. Filling your mind and life with positivity - surround yourself with people that will uplift you and not bring you down. Surround yourself with people that are going places and adding value to your life. Loving yourself is ensuring that your mind is filled with positivity. Download positive apps, listen to some good gospel, follow positive people on social media and have positive thoughts.
8. Not comparing yourself to anyone else - I've spoken about not comparing yourself over and over but I can’t emphasise how key this is. Comparing yourself is one of the most damaging things you can do to yourself. Your journey is not like another person’s journey. Your story is unique to you and you alone. Just because they have a 16 plate Mercedes car, or what is seemingly ‘ a perfect life’, you don’t know what is going on behind closed doors which is why you shouldn’t compare yourself but rather focus on you and your growth.
9. Looking after yourself - pamper yourself, have some me time once in a while. It's easy to get caught up in everyday routines and forget to actually take some time out for yourself. Life is short so when you get the opportunity look after yourself. No one wants grey hairs early!
10. Improving/Developing yourself - Finally, part of loving yourself is to allow yourself to become the best you can possibly be. I've recently written a list of new hobbies and skills I am taking up in the near future because I refuse to remain at the same level I am. I have so much potential and so do you, therefore, continually seek to develop yourself and don't be complacent at the level you are.

If you enjoyed this post, leave a comment and be sure to follow me on my social media accounts x

‘I AM OBSESSED WITH MYSELF’ ! (Part 1)

Hey hunnies. How are you guys? I hope you’re all good!

So it has been the #lovingyourselfweek on my social media accounts (links on the right) for the past two weeks and I’ve been posting loads of posts relating to loving yourself.  I asked some lovely ladies to explain what 'loving yourself' means to them and I posted their responses on my social media pages, so if you haven’t seen them, go check them out now!

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I am sure the title of this blogpost made you look twice but hopefully by the end of this post you will be you will understand the reality of being obsessed with yourself and become ‘obsessed’ with yourself too!

So how did I come up with this title? Well, I have spoken to a few young ladies and asked them to tell me what they like and dislike about themselves. One thing I noticed was that the list of dislikes was always longer than likes and this just didn’t sit right with me. I also conducted a poll on twitter asking the same question where 212 ladies voted, and these were the results:

So why is it that 51% of the voters (108 ladies) said their list of dislikes would be longer? What are your thoughts? In my opinion ladies, we are too hard on ourselves! We don't place enough value on our strengths, our positive characteristics/traits and how great we actually are, but rather we focus on the negatives. What we dislike about ourselves holds too much value in our lives and we spend too much time pondering and focusing on these negative attributes. This needs to change. Our thoughts needs to change. Our mindset needs to change. Our atiitudes need to change.

This is what motivated me to write this piece and title it as ‘I am obsessed with myself’ because obsession with oneself in terms of loving yourself is the true key to success (as DJ Khaled would say).

I came across a quote from Mandy Hale, an author who inspires single women, that says ‘It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary’. This is spot on. Loving yourself is all types of necessary because if you don’t love yourself who will? I can imagine a few readers reading this and thinking that this sounds so cliche and it’s said all the time, but sometimes a gentle reminder is needed because although we may be told to love ourselves repeatedly, not enough females are genuinely demonstrating this self love that we are supposed to have!

Now, it must be acknowledged that not all types of self-love are rooted in positive foundations, some types of self love are prideful, arrogant and self-conceited. However, the type of self love I encourage all of us to have derives from being thankful of the person God has created. Understanding that you are special and have a unique purpose upon your life. This is reiterated in John Hagee’s book ‘Seven Secrets of Success for the Graduate’ where he states that 'when you love yourself, you are able to fulfill what God had created you to accomplish on this Earth!'

As I previously mentioned, we are repeatedly told to love ourselves, yet not enough of us do so. One of the reasons that affect our self love (that I have noticed) is the constant need for validation from others. Whether this is through the compliments we receive, the likes and comments on our instagram pictures or validation through our various relationships. This is why loving yourself before you can love anyone else is so important or you are likely to find yourself expecting another person to fill a void/emptiness that you have not yet filled yourself. If your heart is full of self-doubt and feelings of inferiority, then what can you give to your friends and loved ones?

Imagine being involved in a relationship filled with self-doubt, insecurities and paranoia as a result of a lack of love for yourself? This leads to nothing but disappointment and heartache! A practical example of this was when I had a boyfriend in my first year at university. I was insecure and did not appreciate myself as much as I deserved. I sought validation from what people used to tell me and didn’t believe I was good enough until I heard it from others (not good)! So when he used to compliment me, I would smile, blush temporarily, then revert back to negative, insecure thoughts I had about myself. Clearly his compliments only gave me temporary satisfaction! And this is what usually happens when you are not in LOVE with yourself.

Until you have accepted yourself for the way you are, no one can make you feel better or give you that satisfaction that you seek, because the process starts with you.

Before others can accept you for who you are, YOU have to accept you for who you are. I cannot stress this enough!

In Part 2, I am going to give practical steps for how you can love and value yourself more and what has worked for me. It's easy to read this post and do nothing about it, but I want to see a practical change hunnies! You are special. Don't EVER forget that.

Stay tuned.

So University is over...What's next?!

So if you guys didn't know, I graduated from uni on Tuesday (12/07/2016) yay me! It was literally one of the best days of my life ahhh. I wish I could go back :(. University was a long three years but I am so grateful for the experience and the lessons I've learnt because they have shaped who I am today! God did it guys.

Graduating from university is a period of an individual’s life that is filled with many different emotions - all at once. It is exciting and fulfilling because you have achieved an academic degree, it is a relief because you can finally wave goodbye to all those courseworks and exams (unless you are doing a masters of course), however, it can also be an anxious time especially if you are unsure of what to do after. 

Since we were born, our lives, in terms of education that is, has basically been dictated to us. From nursery/preschool to primary school to secondary school to college/sixth-form then finally to university. So, because this routined educational period of our lives ends after university, it can be quite an overwhelming and lonely time because we are now taking full control of our lives. No more routines, no more government regulation about what we do next, so yes it is exciting but it also be very overwhelming.

After university, there is so much you can do! So don’t limit yourself! Some people go travelling and the best time to do this is while you are young because you won’t get this free time again for a very long time. Others use this independence and start their own businesses, some learn new skills such as learning a new language or taking up a new hobby, some people go back to into education to do their Masters or even a PHD, to become experts in their chosen field of study and of course last but not least, WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK! Starting work and earning a salary to pay back those debts is the route most people take when they complete their degree, so in this post I am going to give some career advice and provide some methods that have helped me with my job search.

Firstly, always get your CV and cover letter checked by professionals. It is important to get a second look at your CV so that mistakes you don’t pick up on, others will. Your CV and cover letter is the first impression of yourself to an employer, so make sure that first impression is the best impression! Remember, you can only make a first impression once.

Make use of your University’s career advice services, it is there to help you and this is what the advisers are getting paid for, so please use them. You don’t need to feel embarrassed or awkward, they understand that job searching while studying can be difficult so they are there to aid you in this process, during university and even after. Get your full £9000 worth of university by using the facilities it provides! At Loughborough, my career centre were awesome. Since they gave my CV a complete makeover, I have been getting a lot more interviews. So I strongly advise this!

Signing up with recruitment agencies is also a useful way to find your first job. Recruitment agencies are really good because they help finds jobs that are best suited to what you are looking for and your current situation. They represent you as a candidate and are very helpful, especially in the interview process. Some good agencies that I have used are angela mortimer, c&c search, digby morgan and frazer jones.

MAKE USE OF YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS! It’s easy to get caught up on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram reading about the latest gossip or the latest news story, but as entertaining as these platforms are, they are also great for job searching so please utilise them. Twitter is a great platform as there are many accounts purely dedicated to posting graduate jobs (@firstemploy @graduatejobsuk @guardianjobs @graduatejobfeed). So turn on those notifications and be the first to hear about that new vacancy! It could be the perfect one for you.

Another great social media site for finding jobs is LinkedIn. If you don’t have a Linkedin account make one now! I cannot stress how imperative this is. It is one of the, if not the best social media site for making the right work connections and it makes your job search 10x easier. Linkedin is almost like the Facebook for the corporate world, so instead of a social profile, your profile will be filled with your qualifications and your work experiences. I recommend this highly.

You know what they say, your network is your networth. I have spoken to various people who have landed their first jobs purely on who they know, so it is important to get out of your comfort zone and make an effort to meet new people. Attending networking events is a great start because such events make the process of meeting people that much easier.

Finally, yes the job search process can be tedious but you have to keep going till you get that perfect job for you. Don’t just settle for anything, but settle for a role where you can see yourself developing and growing and most importantly, that you will enjoy. Be vigorous and proactive with your search and don’t be afraid to ask - if you don’t ask, you won’t get. Sometimes emailing ‘please find my CV attached’ is just not enough because the majority of the time they won’t even open the email. However, if you are calling companies, booking appointments and showing enthusiasm, they are more likely to notice you!

So these are just a few ways that I have been searching for jobs, it may or may not work for you but the most important thing is that you do what makes you happy! 

As I mentioned previously, getting a job is not the only route to take after university, but it is the most popular route which is why I dedicated a section for job seeking advice. But please do what it best for you. Be happy, be passionate and go and reach your goals!

Thanks for reading!

Side note: If you haven't heard my segment on #MICRADIO #ANYTHINGANDEVERYTHING, go and listen to it now guys! We discussed some hot topics, such as Beyonce and Jay-Z, have I ever been in love, my future goals and much more - INSPIRE ON #MICRADIO - EPISODE 22

Shatters - [Guest post from Roberta @rkyroberta]

Our lack of self-confidence stems from our lack of resilience. In working up to gain that self-confidence back, we have to work as much, if not more, on our resilience. You can be self-assured all you want; give yourself pep talks or pamper yourself up all you want, but when the cruel words are directed at you, everything you worked on shatters to pieces. Self- confidence is nothing without resilience.

This short but sweet post about self-confidence was written by Roberta Yearwood. Check out her blog at robertakyearwood.com and be sure to follow her on Twitter too!

What is I.N.S.P.I.R.E?

Hi guys, so I figured that most of you may be wondering what  I.N.S.P.I.R.E is and what it is all about? Ok so, I.N.S.P.I.R.E is actually an acronym of seven words that summarise what this platform I have started is all about.

I: Individuality - individuality relates to our uniqueness. We are all unique and special with different gifts and talents. This platform aims to encourage to young females to celebrate what makes them unique and to never feel inferior to anyone because no one else is like you and that is your advantage over others. So important.

N: Noble - the dictionary describes being noble as being ‘excellent or of superior quality’. I related this excellence we posses to being like royalty. We are royalty. We are queens, so therefore we need to act and live how queens do. When we as females understand that we are noble, we will know our worth and set our standard high without ever feeling we need to lower them! Look at how the Queen of England dresses and carries herself, she is a noble woman. We are all queens in our own right and need to live out this reality! This platforms aims to remind us how noble we are.

Proverbs 31:10b: ‘Her worth is far more than rubies’

S: Self-love - this is pretty self explanatory. Self-love is the best love you can give to yourself and as a young female and you owe this to yourself. If you don’t love yourself first, no one else can love you in all honesty. Yes, it sounds cliche but it is the truth! Self-love establishes self-respect, self-confidence, understanding your worth, appreciating your strengths and putting yourself first. I won’t give away too much because I am in the middle on writing a post about loving yourself, so look out for that soon!

P: Purpose - we all have a purpose in life. There is a reason why we were created and why we are living. This platform aims to help young females identify their purpose by learning more about themselves by identifying their strengths and focusing on their unique talents and gifts.

I: Image - image relates to how we view ourselves and how others view us. As a young female, it is easy to get so concerned with our bodies and our makeup and hair and all these superficial things that we forget about the beauty inside of us! This platform aims to redefine beauty by encouraging females to realise the importance of inner beauty rather than our outward image. We were created in the image of God, therefore we are beautiful no matter what society defines beauty as! Remember that!

R: Relationships - relationships are a main part of all our lives and can affect us in various ways. For example, in sexual relationships, females definitely have more to lose if the relationships doesn’t go to plan! For my dissertation I studied how romantic relationships affect the psychological well-being of undergraduate students and found that it definitely does affect our psychological well-being to an extent. This platform discusses various relationships such as friendships (read my previous ‘Knowing the Difference’ blogpost) and romantic relationships and how to get the best out of such relationships.

E: Expression - finally, this is a platform where young females can express themselves in any way they desire! I aim to interact with you all on my various social networking sites (Twitter, Instagram and Blogspot) so please follow and feel free to contact me!

Thank you for reading. Stay blessed and stay inspired. Love you all xx

Insecurities x Godfidence

Hi guys. First of all, apologies that I have been so inconsistent with my blog - university was literally taking over my life, but I have now finished my degree so I'm back and I'm better!

What motivated me to write this post is the increasing amount of young girls that are so insecure in themselves and it is honestly so upsetting. The younger generation of females are so concerned with their appearance that they are starting to wear waist trainers, tons of make up and I have even heard of young girls wanting a boob job! These girls are about 14-16 by the way. So, hopefully, this post really encourages and helps someone who may be struggling with dealing with insecurities.

So...

What is an insecurity? According to Oxford dictionary, an insecurity is a lack of confidence or self-doubt. It could also be described as a feeling of unease that is triggered by perceiving yourself to be inferior or vulnerable to others in some way. As well as feelings of unease we have about ourselves, insecurities can also influence our behaviour, especially in sexual relationships. In such relationships, having insecurities can lead to extreme clinginess or paranoia which usually leads to the downfall of relationships because of the lack of trust.

Insecurities are something everyone has or has had at some point in their lives. Some individuals may have more than other but the fact is, we all have them because no one is perfect and that is ok!

Insecurities can easily take over our lives if we do not control them, and dealing with insecurities starts with YOU. Learn to be secure in your insecurities.

Now, I am not the curviest or thickest girl and recently, I have received repeated comments about my weight which have been affecting me. The funny thing is, I didn’t even notice that I was apparently ‘losing weight’ till I was receiving comments left, right and centre. As imagined, this made me extremely self-conscious to the point where I would repeatedly ask my friends ‘do I look skinny?’ ‘does this outfit look ok on me?’ and they would constantly reassure me that I look fine, but that was just not enough. I even considered seeing the GP about my weight (It’s never that serious Sade) !

Then I realised that if I aim to encourage and advise young girls, I can’t be afford to be hypocritical. I can’t tell girls to be confident in themselves but then allow the opinions of others to consume me to the point where I am taking extreme measures to change how my appearance. What I was forced to realise is that opinions are not facts, take them in and let them go! (Shoutout to Chipmunk with that bar lol!). I’ve just learnt to accept that God made me the way I am for a reason; if I was thick and curvy with a massive bum perhaps I would be overly vain and self-conceited which are two negative attributes that God dislikes! In my first blogpost ‘embracing your flaws’, I discussed that our flaws are there to be embraced because that is what makes us unique and special. So, it is important to continually remind ourselves how special we are!

In my university room,  I have several quotes on my wall such as ‘don’t let the opinions of others consume you’ and ‘happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to others’ because sometimes it’s comforting to have a daily reminder of these things so you can live this reality. True beauty comes from within and so we need to stop being so hard on ourselves and appreciate how we were created because we were created the way we are for a reason.

Psalms 139:4‘ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are beautiful and I know that full well’.

When attempting to deal with insecurities, It is so important to avoid comparing yourself to others. This is something definitely easier said than done, but I cannot stress how imperative it is. Comparing yourself to someone who is completely different to you, who has a different lifestyle, a different mindset and different experiences is so harmful emotionally. THERE IS ONLY ONE YOU. I frequently compare myself to other girls who are curvier than me and/or prettier than me but this only leads to me feeling worse about myself which is why I wanted to change my look so desperately. Don’t get me wrong, desiring to change your appearance by going to the gym or wearing a waist trainer for example, is not always a bad thing, as long as you are doing it for yourself and not to meet societal expectations or because of others around you. Another important way to deal with insecurities is through surrounding yourself with positivity. Reading uplifting quotes is always a great start and what I do is I remind myself how amazing I am by literally talking to myself daily. It sounds crazy, but believe it or not it works so try it!

Let’s talk about GODfidence.

I’m sure some of you are thinking what on earth is Godfidence? And no, I didn’t make it up! Godfidence. This is a quality that surpasses confidence. Having confidence is believing in yourself which is great but Godfidence takes it to a higher level. Confidence can easily be knocked down by the words we hear and the things we see but Godfidence is everlasting because it is a confidence that comes from God and God alone. When our confidence and self-love comes from knowing who we are in Christ and viewing ourselves the way God views us, we will not let our insecurities consume us. Developing your relationship with God is the first step and getting familiar with uplifting scriptures and reminding yourself how amazing you are on a daily basis are some ways you can gain GODFIDENCE! No, it is not far fetched and no it is not just some fancy cliche that sounds nice, this is reality. True confidence comes from God, so go and get some!

ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS:

You are beautiful.Your insecurities do not define you.You are the best version of yourself. Most importantly, God loves every part of you, whether you are skinny, big, tall, short, dark skinned, light skinned, we were all created in His image.

So I’ve just had to accept that this is me, I am Sade Oludoyi, a slim, beautiful 21 year old and I have no choice but to accept this or I will be a miserable person!

Thank you for reading, please share this post with anyone else who you think would benefit from this piece.

Also follow my Twitter @sadeinspire and Instagram @inspire.ldn (links on the right>>>) where I will post quotes, photos and videos related to my blog and it is also a great way to stay posted with my future blogposts!

If you have any questions you can dm me or email inspire.ldn@gmail.com

God bless and thank you for reading

Xx

Side note: I recommend 'The Confident Woman’ daily devotional by Joyce Meyer, it is amazing and approaches the idea of a becoming a confident woman in a unique way which i love.

Know The Difference

Since primary school I've always been involved in drama with people I thought were my "friends". The same problem occurred in secondary school, sixth form, and even in university. Although these situations were unpleasant I am grateful for the experience and the valuable lessons I've learned which have contributed into the young lady I am today! 

I've always been the type of person to put my all in my relationships and try to please everyone because that's the type of person I naturally am, so when people let me down, hurt me or show me their true colours it makes me extremely upset and sometimes I even often blame myself for their actions. However as I've grown up and seen/been involved in numerous situations I have learnt more about people and their different characters. The truth is not everyone will treat you how you treat them that's just life. Really and truly the only person that will never let you down is GOD because He is the same yesterday, today and forever but humans are not! Once you accept this simple fact life will be more pleasant. 

One mistake we often make is to call people our 'friends' prematurely. Growing older and becoming wiser I have learnt that not everyone is your friend. "A true friendship is one of the most valuable assets one can have. The bible states in Proverbs 18:24 that "there exists a friend sticking closer than a brother". It also shares that "bad associations spoil useful habits" in 1 Corinthians 15:33". As the scripture says, a friend is one who sticks closer than a brother implying that a friend should ALWAYS have your back and be there for you no matter the situation therefore before calling someone your friend some useful thought is required. This is because there are many factors that are involved in a true friendship which often we take too lightly. 

Firstly, it is important to know the difference between an ACQUAINTANCE and a FRIEND. Please don't confuse the two (which I often do). Many of the people we call our friends are actually acquaintances but we don't realise because we think they are all our 'friends' which is why we get hurt by what they do when really acquaintances are expected to do such...

Secondly, the duration of the relationship you’ve had with the individual is completely irrelevant. I cannot stress this enough. I saw a tweet which said "someone who you met 2 days ago may have better intentions than someone who you have known for 10 years". I can testify to this! I've been in university for 2 years and I can confidently say I have met lifelong friends. I've also known people for most of my life who I believed were my friends but I realised that they were probably just tolerating me for all that time (lol!) and the relationship was not a real friendship. Better to realise late than never right? 

Another thing I've realised is that as you grow older your group of friends decrease significantly. This is completely normal. I feel like this happens because as you grow in maturity, the direction of your life becomes clearer and if your friends aren't on the same wavelength it's very easy for them to hold you back. So the best thing to do is cut them off. "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are" - I've always been sceptical about this statement because you can't be responsible for all the actions of your friends but now I can see the reality of this quote. Your real friends should be a reflection of you or the person you aim to be. These are people who you most likely get advice from, who you confide in etc so their thought process should be similar to yours in that you both are going in similar directions in life! For example, all my close friends love God so if I ever need godly advice or just encouragement I know I can speak to them.

I genuinely have so much to say about this topic but if I say everything you'll never hear the end of it so I will conclude with 5 brief descriptions of what a true friend means to me;

- A true friend always has your back! They will defend you in your absence and in your presence.

- A true friend always tells you the truth no matter how hard it may be. Sometimes it's hard to correct your friends but as I said previously they are a reflection of you so if they aren't acting right check them! (out of love of course) 

- A true friend always supports you, they won't be envious or jealous of you. How can you be jealous of someone that is your friend? Their success should motivate you if anything.

- A true friend always respects you, your feelings and your desires. To disrespect someone is to belittle them so if a 'friend' makes you feel small, that friendship is worth reconsidering.

- Finally, a true friend is always there for you. For me this is one of the most important attributes of a friend. Sometimes you just want someone who will listen to you when you need to vent, cry or just clear your head. It feels good to have someone there who genuinely cares and to give you the assurance that you are not alone.

Filter your friends down and know the difference between acquaintance and a friend - trust me life will be much sweeter! Even if you're left with 2 real friends it is much better than having 10 illegitimate friends around you. 

If you have any questions feel free to comment and also share if this was useful x

God bless you all.

Thanks for reading!