Know The Difference

Since primary school I've always been involved in drama with people I thought were my "friends". The same problem occurred in secondary school, sixth form, and even in university. Although these situations were unpleasant I am grateful for the experience and the valuable lessons I've learned which have contributed into the young lady I am today! 

I've always been the type of person to put my all in my relationships and try to please everyone because that's the type of person I naturally am, so when people let me down, hurt me or show me their true colours it makes me extremely upset and sometimes I even often blame myself for their actions. However as I've grown up and seen/been involved in numerous situations I have learnt more about people and their different characters. The truth is not everyone will treat you how you treat them that's just life. Really and truly the only person that will never let you down is GOD because He is the same yesterday, today and forever but humans are not! Once you accept this simple fact life will be more pleasant. 

One mistake we often make is to call people our 'friends' prematurely. Growing older and becoming wiser I have learnt that not everyone is your friend. "A true friendship is one of the most valuable assets one can have. The bible states in Proverbs 18:24 that "there exists a friend sticking closer than a brother". It also shares that "bad associations spoil useful habits" in 1 Corinthians 15:33". As the scripture says, a friend is one who sticks closer than a brother implying that a friend should ALWAYS have your back and be there for you no matter the situation therefore before calling someone your friend some useful thought is required. This is because there are many factors that are involved in a true friendship which often we take too lightly. 

Firstly, it is important to know the difference between an ACQUAINTANCE and a FRIEND. Please don't confuse the two (which I often do). Many of the people we call our friends are actually acquaintances but we don't realise because we think they are all our 'friends' which is why we get hurt by what they do when really acquaintances are expected to do such...

Secondly, the duration of the relationship you’ve had with the individual is completely irrelevant. I cannot stress this enough. I saw a tweet which said "someone who you met 2 days ago may have better intentions than someone who you have known for 10 years". I can testify to this! I've been in university for 2 years and I can confidently say I have met lifelong friends. I've also known people for most of my life who I believed were my friends but I realised that they were probably just tolerating me for all that time (lol!) and the relationship was not a real friendship. Better to realise late than never right? 

Another thing I've realised is that as you grow older your group of friends decrease significantly. This is completely normal. I feel like this happens because as you grow in maturity, the direction of your life becomes clearer and if your friends aren't on the same wavelength it's very easy for them to hold you back. So the best thing to do is cut them off. "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are" - I've always been sceptical about this statement because you can't be responsible for all the actions of your friends but now I can see the reality of this quote. Your real friends should be a reflection of you or the person you aim to be. These are people who you most likely get advice from, who you confide in etc so their thought process should be similar to yours in that you both are going in similar directions in life! For example, all my close friends love God so if I ever need godly advice or just encouragement I know I can speak to them.

I genuinely have so much to say about this topic but if I say everything you'll never hear the end of it so I will conclude with 5 brief descriptions of what a true friend means to me;

- A true friend always has your back! They will defend you in your absence and in your presence.

- A true friend always tells you the truth no matter how hard it may be. Sometimes it's hard to correct your friends but as I said previously they are a reflection of you so if they aren't acting right check them! (out of love of course) 

- A true friend always supports you, they won't be envious or jealous of you. How can you be jealous of someone that is your friend? Their success should motivate you if anything.

- A true friend always respects you, your feelings and your desires. To disrespect someone is to belittle them so if a 'friend' makes you feel small, that friendship is worth reconsidering.

- Finally, a true friend is always there for you. For me this is one of the most important attributes of a friend. Sometimes you just want someone who will listen to you when you need to vent, cry or just clear your head. It feels good to have someone there who genuinely cares and to give you the assurance that you are not alone.

Filter your friends down and know the difference between acquaintance and a friend - trust me life will be much sweeter! Even if you're left with 2 real friends it is much better than having 10 illegitimate friends around you. 

If you have any questions feel free to comment and also share if this was useful x

God bless you all.

Thanks for reading!